private blogging is my new favorite thing
:)
God, help me be smart. Please.
there's always something to learn. to obey. to try to understand. to be confused about.
for me at least.
and there is always God, who will always be God.
who is PERFECT and GOOD.
and that is enough.
There's nothing like going home. Going back to the place you grew up. Sadly, that's not true for everyone. A lot of people hate the town they grew up and would never go home if they didn't have to. I can't really relate. I love Florence, for some completely unknown reason, other than the fact that it is my hometown. I kinda take pride in where I'm from. But mostly, I love my family. So last week, as I was driving into Florence to help my family move for the 3rd year in a row, I was reminded of how blessed I am. First of all, blessed that I have the coolest family ever, and that I enjoy being with them. I usually have fun with my family (when we're not arguing), I can't really help it, all 8 of them are freakin funny, and it makes me so sad that so many people don't even like their family. That just sucks. Second, no matter how dysfunctional we may be, we are family and we love each other, despite so much that has happened in the past. So often, crap happens and families fall apart, and while there were times, I'm sure, we all thought it was happening to us we somehow managed to stick together. Relationships have been restored, and wounds healed, and ONLY by God's good grace. Third, we're blessed to have been through all that we have. While I'm not sure some members of my family see it that way, I've learned so much, and been shaped into the person I am largely because of all the stuff that has happened. I have a hero for a mom, and my dad is one of the strongest men I know. Fourth, we have a house now! We have been renting the last 2 houses we've lived in, so we finally have our own! I can't really believe it.
God is just amazing, and I'm really glad I got to be a part of something that brought and still brings glory to His name.
Everything is not perfect though, as much as I make it sound that way. Just to let you know.
All at once. I'm confused about where I'm supposed to be next semester, and extremely excited about the new ministry stuff that's about to get started with single parents.
So next semester I've been planning on doing the national student exchange in LA. But all this stuff is just about to get started. Going to LA would mean leaving single parent ministry and Wyldlife for 5 months. And who knows where I'll be next summer. Could do the choir internship, if i go to LA i could stay in LA, i could stay in Columbia. I just wish I knew exactly where the Lord wanted me. Because that's where I want to be. I just can't get LA off my mind and my heart. It's stuck there, and it has been for a long time. But at the same time, I'm so unsure. I have not yet decided that I'm going to LA, and been at peace with that decision, and at the same time I haven't been at peace with the idea of staying here. What does that mean?!?! So I'm going crazy right now, trying to figure this out. Time is running out if I'm going to go to LA, I can't go undecided too much longer. I'm sure I'll go someday if I don't now, I've always wanted to and I don't know if that desire will ever go away. So...is now the time? This whole thing is for sure consuming half my thoughts.
The other half has been dedicated to this single parent ministry. God told me to do this last...March or April, but everything was kinda put on pause while I was home for the summer. So now I've finally talked with a lady, Theresa, and she is going to try to put us with a family, hopefully soon. We're meeting for the first time this Sunday, on my birthday, at 7:45. And I'm so pumped. A team of people is slowly forming and people are showing interest in helping out. Allen is gonna come to the meeting, but so far its me, Sherry, and Jamison, possibly Andrea, and possibly Michael. I'm just really excited to see what the Lord is going to do with this. I mean I honestly have very little idea what I want this to look like. All I know is I want to love on single parents and their kids, try to show them Jesus, and meet as many needs as possible. But who knows what that looks like. That's why I'm excited to meet with Theresa and kind of figure out what our options are. Hopefully it will go well, because right now, I have no idea what this meeting is going to consist of. Guess we'll see.
Summer is over. Almost. Classes start a week from tomorrow and I'm moving back to Columbia tomorrow. Its funny reading my old blogs and seeing where I was wondering what I would do this summer. Today I worked my last shift at Redbone Alley. It was the tiniest bit sad today leaving. I've hated working there all summer, but it really did get a ton better than the first few weeks I worked. I'm really glad I got the chance to be home this summer, and to be where I really felt God wanted me to be. I'm fairly certain I was the only Christian there when I started working and I know of 2 others that came and went while I was there, but I definitely enjoyed some of the conversations I was able to have and the chance to share about my faith. It was really crazy how easy it was for me to love those people, despite being made fun of for being a Christian, on a daily basis, the rudeness and attitudes. It's really cool that God gave me the ability to do that. It's also hard to believe my time there is up. My purpose there was to show these people Jesus, and its sad to not know if anyone else is gonna do that for them. But I suppose thats out of my hands now.
I went to Kenya. Cool that it worked out. God is freakin awesome and provided the last of my money the last day before it was due. I think He was testing me to see if I would remain faithful. Honestly, I don't know if I doubted God, just my ability to discern His will. I think I was more upset, thinking that I was wrong about God wanting me on that trip. I didn't have a problem trusting all summer that God would make it happen if He wanted it to, then 5 days before the money was due and I was still 1500 short I did get kinda nervous. That sucks. That's not trusting God. But I did make it to Kenya and it was quite amazing. I loved it and I will go back as soon as I can. I think I'll stick with the 410 Bridge. I like their view on missions and completely agree with it. Kenyans amaze me. God showed me a lot about joy and dependency and faith. I think they just love God in a different way. I wanna love Jesus like the people I met in Kenya love Jesus.
School hasn't even started and I'm already thinking about what I'm gonna be doing next summer. Again, one thing is for sure, I have to have another internship. This time I have to work 400 hours. I'm thinking about an internship with the Daraja Choir, a choir of kids from Kenya that 410 is amazingly able to bring to America for the summer. It would be wonderful and I would get to go pick them up in Kenya :) ..we'll see. Maybe I'll stay in Columbia next summer, who knows. I might be in LA next semester though. I'm applying for NSE to go to California State University, Northridge. So we'll see what happens. A lot of stuff is up in the air right now.
I'm super excited to get back to Columbia tomorrow. I've missed the town and my friends, but mostly my church. I miss my lifegroup and the people in my church family that push me towards Jesus. I miss the heart of Midtown that is missions and being surrounded by people that are actively pursuing Christ. I would have never realized how hard that was to find before. I'll just be really glad to get back to my family. I do love them.
Crazy it's junior year. I'm like almost done with college. Sad story. Really.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. James 1:2
pure joy.
pure- adjective
| 1. | free from anything of a different, inferior, or contaminating kind; free from extraneous matter: pure gold; pure water. |
joy- noun
dʒɔɪ1. the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation
not mixed joy. not half joy, not joy that we're being tested and should be growing through these trials, and then some bitterness, anger, or even sadness that we have to deal with these things. but a pure joy, a joy that doesn't hold us back, a joy that pushes us to excitement. Thats how we're supposed to feel about all the crap we have to go through. Delight in our trials.
perseverance -noun
| 1. | steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement. |
Because out of that, we develop perseverance. continuously, steadily pushing towards Christ, growing in and towards Christ.
We are not to complain to God, or feel any resentment for these trials, we are to delight in the opportunity we have to grow closer to Him, and the chance we have to fully rely on Him. why is that so hard to be excited about? the fact that God allows us to grow closer to Him, to be in a personal relationship with Him, the fact that He loves us enough to let us be personal with Him, and not have to go through this life alone. we don't deserve the chance to grow closer to God, and yet we get mad at God for the things He puts us through. why do we get angry that God wants us to grow closer to Him, He wants to take care of us and provide for us and love us, no matter what. we should be thankful for that chance and any trial that pushes us towards that.
So God does actually know whats best for us. Really. I can't count the times I've asked God to do stuff for me that He didn't. So many times I've asked Him for something, things I wanted, or asked Him to fix something, make things better. And most of the time, God didn't do what I asked, but thats because He already has it all figured out. When I'm in the middle of a struggle, I can't see past that day or that week, but God sees the big picture...He has it all mapped out and already knows what we need, what we can handle, and how to take care of us. He isn't always going to give us what we want because a lot of the time we want things that aren't actually going to help or make things better. I can be so demanding, I want things and I don't want to have to wait for them, but I can't say how thankful I am that God doesn't always give me what I want. If he had given me solutions to all my problems in the past 6 years, and taken me out of the situations I was in...that I was too blind to see God working through at the time...I wouldn't have learned anything, I wouldn't know the importance of forgiveness, love, and patience, or understand that we are CALLED to do those things, and I most certainly would not have grown spiritually as a result of those things I went through, if God had just taken it all away. I'm so nearsighted in my requests from God. Praise Him that He knows what I need. Last semester if God had given me what I wanted, I would have missed out on something wonderful now. I wanted something that I thought would be good for me, not seeing past my desires, I couldn't see what God was going to do for me a few months down the road. If God had given me what I wanted just a few months ago, I would have missed out on something way better that He had in store for me. I'm working on this though. I'm praying that I become less needy and more faithful, praying for my need to have answers now and to have faith that the Lord will work as fast or slow as He sees fit because He knows exactly what I need and when I need it. Praise the Lord that He knows whats best!!! and doesn't listen to me...because I don't know anything.
-My family is seriously the most awesome family in the world. I got to spend the day in Charleston with most of my family (Shelley and Blaine couldn't make it) for my mom's birthday, and it was a blast. We ate dinner, then went to a park and rode through looking at Christmas lights, but I have to say this little train ride thing we went on was the highlight of the evening. You have to know my family...and probably had to have been there to find it amusing. You see, my family is really care-free and just a fun group of people to be around. There is so much personality in this one family it's unbelievable. I don't know if anyone really reads this, but whoever is, you would be extremely blessed to get to know any member of my family. :)
-Celine Dion is the best singer to ever exist (in my opinion). On the way to Chuck-town, me, Mama, Abby, Shay, and Logan debated this. We came up with a list...this is it in no particular order. Celine Dion, Mariah Carey, Barbara Streisand, Christina Aguilera, and Martina McBride. Strong, strong list.
-I think I would love to live in Charleston.
-My friend, John, is going back to Afghanistan in February. :( feel free to pray for him and all the other men and women overseas.
-My friend, Katey, is in South Korea right now visting her sister and brother-in-law and neices. She went to a tae-kwon-do lesson with her sister, and the instructor was Chuck Norris' instructor! How crazy is that?!?
-Christmas presents kind of stress me out a little bit. I like to get people things they will enjoy, nice things if you will. So I have trouble picking presents that simply "will do" and I get a little worked up about it. Not really stressed, it's just hard shopping for 8 people. Not to mention big families are expensive.
-I should really get more sleep than I do. It could be good for me.
-I'm glad to be home for a little while. No matter how much I love Columbia and the friends I have there, my family makes it worth the trip. And I love my friends from home, too. Tonight, me and my good friends Pay-J and Jimbo had some wonderful conversation laying in the middle of a field in the freezing cold. And last Thursday, me, Jimbo, and Michael Lotts had a heck of a time watching a meteor shower. Stuff like that makes coming home so, so wonderful.
-Can you imagine how exciting it was when Jesus was born?!?! I mean, Isaiah wrote about a Messiah coming around 800 years before it actually happened. People had been waiting for Jesus for 800 years! And before Christ came into the world, there were 400 years of silence. God didn't speak to anyone for 400 years. Complete darkness and hopelessness for 400 years!!! Can you imagine how lost the world must have felt? They've been hearing about this Savior coming for hundreds of years, waiting for HUNDREDS of years. Can you imagine HOW EXCITING it was when they heard the news JESUS was HERE?!?! On this Earth?? After waiting this long in total darkness, finally a light entered into the world, GOD in HUMAN FORM!!! How AWESOME must it have been to receive that news? Waiting for the Messiah, a Savior to rescue humankind. What an intense picture, a lost and hopeless world, saved by our Jesus, who came into the world in the most humble form, as a baby. To live a sinless life, and then be sent to a CROSS, to die, and to save us from the eternity we deserve in Hell, so that we could spend eternity with God, in Heaven. The most innocent man to ever walk the earth, served our death sentence and took our place. What a beautiful, unfathomable, love that we are SO, SO unworthy of. WHAT A REASON TO CELEBRATE!
-Merry Christmas!
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seanabrereton said:
[this is good]blogs are fun for me while i sit in class. do it to it. read more
on well here goes...
on a sort of collection...